Warrior Training: Part 3
Slogan 55. Liberate yourself by examining and analyzing: Know your own mind with honesty and fearlessness.
Analyzing our own mind can be a painful process. We often fill our days with so many activities we can barely breathe let alone find the time to think. As a kite surfer when I’m gliding across the crystal clear water in the warm sunlight where I live in Turks and Caicos I feel the quiet connection to my soul.
(Ocean loving women often find their “me” time come when they are in or near water.)
Personally, I took on a relationship with the ocean to an extreme place. I used it as a place for healing and self-harm. I ended up becoming an extreme sports athlete, doing tricks and jumps that caused me to fall repeatedly sometimes resulting in injury until I mastered the maneuver. This pain for gain mentality gave me a sense of fearlessness.
After many years of winning competitions and seeing my name in the lights, I started to lose my sense of satisfaction with living a narcissistic, masochistic lifestyle. I began to analyze what my motivations were. When I stumbled upon the answer after months of confusion and mild depression it saddened me to the core. I realized it was all a show to try and win my mother’s love; maybe if I became successful and all over social media, then she would talk to me again and love me. Then, I might be able to stop punishing myself for being unlovable.
This is the honest truth about how I felt in my life. I was hiding from myself,
Looking into your soul takes a lot of patience and time. It can be a scary place where you discover things about yourself you didn’t want to know but only then can you begin the path of healing. Deep down inside, we all have the same fears and desires. When we open up to one another we can begin to see our true human nature.
Jessica Winkler, Pro-Kitesurfer